Separation and Connection

What can I say on the subject of separation?  Well I’ve become quite accustomed to that concept as of late.  At first it was a sharp pain of losing so much so quickly.  That eased into a dull ache only really noticeable in moments of isolation.  Now everything just feels far away.  I have never felt so far away from America, my culture, my family and friends, and who I thought I was.  Every day makes it harder and harder to communicate this experience to anyone back home and at the same time makes me less sure of everything I thought I knew about the world around me and indeed myself as well.  I used to think I knew what 3^rd world countries needed, I used to think I knew what was right and wrong (now I yell at poor African children who are rude to me), I used to think capitalism with its big corporations was evil, I used to think I knew who I was with my strengths and weaknesses, I used to think I knew my family and my relationship with them.  Everything is up in the air now.  I skype with people back home and answer the same questions about how “Africa” is like I’m some sort of authority on the continent now.  I browse Facebook and see my friends continuing on in their lives as I get farther and farther away from them.  I read my hometown newspaper and magazine and realize that my small town is changing more than ever and I’m somehow completely disconnected from it.  I work on project after project that may have no lasting effect whatsoever on my community, who often times seems to see me only as a strange foreigner who might be able to get them some free stuff.  And then I sit in a little grass hut in my village close the door and am completely alone with me myself and I.

Gross!  Okay catharsis achieved, pity party over, melancholic state averted.  In the words of Shakespeare, oh yeah I am that pretentious ;-), “Sweet are the uses of adversity” and that certainly holds true here.   Such utter separation and isolation has the unique benefit of tying together those who suffer the same pains.  Peace Corps relationships burn fast and bright.  We come together forget our troubles put on music and just enjoy life.  I think I’m better now than I used to be at recognizing those moments when I’m happy and just going with it.  The big problems can never be solved in the present moment so if you find yourself being happy why ruin it by worrying about something.  Time for me to go.  Someone’s shaving their head and that is much more amusing than worrying about all this big crap.

Cheers,

Garrison