Don't bother trying to change anything, everything is always the same. Don't bother trying to keep things the same, everything is always changing. This is a paraphrasing from a book on acting called "Tips" and today I feel it is particularly poignant to my life. One of my favorite things about theatre, and art in general, is its ability to hold conflicting truths as equally valid. Nothing ever changes/ everything changes, yin/ yang, masculine/ feminine, light/ dark, sin/ virtue, matter/ anti-matter (for the Star Trek fans among us). The essence of life is not in the thinning down of the Universe into one set of right answers, but rather in the conflict between opposing but equally valid forces. Maybe conflict is even too loaded of a word. The essence of life lies in interaction. We are nothing in and of ourselves. We only exist in relation to others and the world around us. Mmmm big thoughts. Theory of relativity perhaps? Maybe even some dangerous moral relativism sneaking in. What's the point? I've been back in village for a week and a half and I'm struck by the conflicting truths that nothing ever changes while somehow at the same time everything is changing. My life here can seem like groundhog's day so much of the time. I get up, go through the same routine, have the same conflicts, admire the same things, eat the same food, go to bed and repeat. At the same time though things are slowly changing. The language is more solid every day, the failures, while frustrating, are less devastating, and the moments of peace are more appreciated. Repeat the same routine enough times and things will evolve. I'm struck once again by how the macro rules of the universe seem to filter down into everyday life...
Repetition: Senegal, as with the rest of the world, seems destined to repeat its problems over and over again. I've been back in village for a week and a half and I'm facing the same excuses for why the tree nursery wasn't out-planted, or why the field crops weren't weeded or fertilized and why in general none of my solutions seem feasible in the real world. All the while I'm marveling at the repeated rituals; the archetypal football rivalries between neighboring villages, the births and baptisms, the deaths and funerals, and the constant march of the seasons with all that they bring. The relentless repetition of life can make for a lot of frustration, but at the same time its what defines our humanity. We, like all other animals, are irrevocably bound to cycles, even if in the west we like to define life in terms of seemingly linear progress.
Repeat something enough times however and its bound to change and this applies to everything, the good the bad and the ugly. I had a wonderful theatre teacher who loved repetition. She would tell us, "Don't think, don't create, just repeat". "Repeat what?" we would ask. "You've already begun" she would reply. We would start from nothing. What happens if you repeat nothing? Well life happens in all its marvelous chaotic beauty. From nothing things would simply start to happen: someone would cough, a shoe would squeak, a door would slam. With each new unexpected, unplanned event we had the choice whether to ignore it and blindly repeat the past, or accept it as the new truth of the moment and adopt it into our repetition. I'm not saying we should always ditch the old for the new, but I can say one of these options creates a much more interesting spontaneous theatrical composition. Theatre through evolution. It really makes perfect sense. What is evolution but a series of imperfect repetitions which respond to the new truth of the moment. Think what life would be if those ancient amoebas just played it cool and denied the new tail they developed in favor of trying to be like mom and dad. Think of the actor who would play the scene exactly the same even if the chandelier fell right in front of them. It just wouldn't work.
Amoebas? Actors? Evolution? Have you lost the thread of this post? Good I'm not alone. We are doomed to repeat our failures, we are blessed to repeat out traditions. No matter how hard we try some things will never change, no matter how hard we try some things will never stay the same. Come on now keep up. Roll with the punches. Break!
Now this is a hard enough pill to swallow in everyday life but it's especially hard as a development worker whose underlying mandate is to fix the bad parts without messing up the good. I think its important though to take a lesson from my two theatre examples and realize that first we are a whole lot less powerful then we think and second that some of the most elaborate solutions come out of the natural varience of repition. Evolution's photocopier has solved a lot more difficult problems than helping Senegal. Once again though this kind of Buddhist patience is difficult when you only get two years and thus two repetitions of most things to try to make an impact. Trial and error, which is how we end up working anyways, is a slower process than this. I'm at the one year mark of my service and thus things have started repeating a lot. Let me take this opportunity then to repeat some ideas from a previous post and see if I can't tie this whole mess together and give you all the wondrous intellectual catharsis I know you crave from my lovely blog... ok probably not but I'll try not to leave you in muddled frustration... myself included.
Even for all of my doubts about my efficacy here, there is one area where I know I can make a difference, and it is something I will work at for the rest of my life. I have come to know Islam a lot better than most Americans, and with the 10th anniversary of 9/11 fast approaching I feel it is my patriotic duty to once again reach out and defend this peaceful faith. I wrote a post about Islam in more detail during PST so I won't be delving too deeply today, but I do want to say one important thing. Every year around this time Islam comes into question once again. Be it through 24hr network news reports or through word of mouth, the merits of this faith are unfairly scrutinized in a way that Christianity and Judaism simply aren't. Beyond just the faith, Muslims are persecuted. In America they are made to feel unpatriotic, or worse, as if they aren't real citizens. I don't know a whole lot about Islam in America but I hear the slander and it needs to stop. This is the 10th repetition of 9/11 and that gives it more symbolic power than usual. Nostalgia would say for many to not let go of the passion and importance surrounding this date while the reality of the situation is that for better or for worse things have cooled down. We don't hate the Japanese on Pearl Harbor day, we certainly don't have to hate Muslims on 9/11. Now I realize I'm preaching to the choir here... probably... but nonetheless its time to let this day evolve and stomp out the ignorance which in inevitably invokes in much of the population. If you hear someone making an anti-Islamic comment, say something. If you see news coverage which is unfair, call in an say so. I just participated in my second Korite (the end of Ramadan) and saw the beauty once again of a faith based on peace and compassion, and I see no reason why anyone should fear it or persecute its followers. Reach out to your local Mosque and make this 9/11 about coming together and healing rather than perpetuating hate. Some of the rifts between Muslims and Christians will probably never go away, but as we repeat these rituals year after year there's no reason that we need to deny that the world is evolving and we can coexist with peace and understanding.
Sometimes I feel like I will never understand the world. Sometimes I feel like I understand it better every day. I guess I had better keep waking up to see what changes next.
