Down the Rabbit Hole

One of my favorite things about writing is its power to take my jumbled mind and order it into some sort of meaning, even if that meaning is really only valuable for myself.  People keep blogs during their services for a multitude of reasons.  Sometimes they're for staying connected back home, sometimes for educating Americans about the developing world, and sometimes just for personal reflection.  I suspect every blog touches each of these from time to time: today, if you will allow, I'll be diving headfirst into the latter of the three.  I am at a loss for words so that seams like the perfect place to start talking.  

What is the real world? Yep I get right to the tough questions.  How bout we just let that one simmer for a while and we'll get back to it.  

For the past year I have lived and worked in Senegal attempting to help my village with small scale sustainable development projects to improve food security, access to clean water, and sanitation.  Or at least that's what the development rhetoric says.  In a less euphemistic sense I have struggled to learn a native language, while adapting to a very foreign culture and trying to find appropriate solutions to serious problems without reducing my village's capacity for independence and individual initiative all while also balancing my family at home and a long distance relationship and trying to keep up the motivation to get out of bed every morning.  It's been a tough year.  It's difficult to see all of these complexities from the idyllic Peace Corps posters and advertisements but they're there.  Nothing is ever as it seems.  I think the most important thing that I've taken away from this experience so far is a very healthy respect for the complexities of the world.  I suppose that's pretty important in our modern world of simplistic categorical politics.  My feelings about Senegal and her people are so very complex as well.  In some ways Senegalese are absolutely amazing, incredible, generous people, and then someone tells me that I'm bad because I won't give them money, or build them a house or buy them fertilizer, or I watch them rip up their childrens' mosquito nets to use in the garden and I just want to give up.  

There are deep-rooted cultural and situational reasons for many of the things that drive Peace Corps Volunteers crazy and when you look at it from this birds eye view there isn't much reason to get angry.  When your brother has a seizure though because your host dad would rather buy tea then medicine it gets pretty personal.  I have been trying to organize a latrine project in my village for a very long time, its one of the first things they asked me to do.  I put it on hold though because my counterpart was trying to extort me for very elaborate and expensive latrines, which Peace Corps will not build.  Then I listened to a TED talk by Bill Clinton where he listed off standard statistics about the billions of people without access to sanitation and I suddenly felt silly that I was angry because my village wanted nice bathrooms.  Peace Corps Volunteers can seem really harsh when we talk about our villages, but that's often because people don't understand what we're here to do.  We are not placed in our villages to give them a bunch of free stuff, we're there to try to find ways that they can get what they need on their own.  Santa Claus development work simply isn't effective.  There's a fine balance between giving and teaching and too far in either direction doesn't work.  

Yes it’s been a hard year, which is why on August 4th I went on VACATION!!!  I met up with my family and girlfriend in the French Alps for two and a half weeks of quality relaxation in the first world.  Things immediately got off to a rocky start.  I come from a very intellectual family and thus every problem I brought up was met with theories, justifications, or possible solutions when all I really wanted was to vent.  I being a passionate person lost my temper.  We made up of course and the vast majority of the trip was lovely, but it was telling that even with my family I felt a disconnect between what I do in Senegal and their understanding of third world dynamics.  Development work is so complex.  You could study it for twenty years and know all the data and case studies, but until you're on the ground working and feeling those complexities, it's impossible to fully comprehend them. 

Lordy this has become such a whiny post.  Back to vacation.  Oh my god Europe is nice!  I had forgotten what it was like to walk through a city without garbage, where cars stop for you, and people don't call you "white guy" and where the food is as delicious as it is varied.  The first world feels like such a fairy tale compared to Senegal.  Well now has it boiled over or are we still just simmering?  Yes it's time for that question again.  What is the real world?  I honestly can't tell you.  Some would say the first world is an artificial construct built on intrinsic inequality and abuse of cheap third world labor.  That however would be just as false as saying the real world is the poor starving children of the bottom billion who live on less than a dollar a day.  I was flabbergasted by the amount of money we spent in Europe, and we weren't extravagant.  I went from a village where a $3 chicken is a treat eaten only once or twice a year to a land where people can spend upwards of $100 for just one bottle of wine.  How can these realities both exist on the same planet?  What is the moral implication of that?  In any case denying either is both unhelpful and absurd.  There is massive inequality in our world, that can’t be denied, but the only thing that seems to help bring people up is an intrinsic desire to improve ones life.  Shouldn't we thus then be able to enjoy the fruits of our labors since that motivates others to work harder as well?  Yes and no.  We have to be able to enjoy our success, that's what any person would do if given the opportunity, but we need to recognize that we are not intrinsically entitled to that success.  Each of us for better or for worse is the product of billions of little accidents that placed us in a position to either take advantage of opportunities or be constantly pushed to the side.  

So what to do?  I wish I knew.  Buddhists would say observe rather than judge or deny, so lets observe these conflicting truths about the world and hold them in our brains and hearts the next time we go to a voting booth or pass a homeless person, or buy a fancy car, or donate money to a charity.  The first world is not as fake as some might say, and the third world not as true and noble.  Both are real and more complex than any one person can comprehend.  I feel like Alice tumbling down the rabbit hole, only I’m not sure which side is wonderland. Who would have ever thought a nice vacation could make me even more confused about my life here.  Such is life.  Time to dive back into the work. 

Cheers!

Garrison

10,000 Hours

Am I still alive you may ask?  Yes, yes I am.  After a few glorious moments of relief (I knew you were all worried), you may further inquire, then where the heck have I been for the past month.  Indeed I have been sadly neglecting my blog duties and believe me my journal is even sparser as of late (I actually spent the better part of the afternoon yesterday piecing together what I did everyday and writing it down because there was something very unnerving about having weeks go by where I had absolutely no recollection of what I did).  I could simply offer my standard excuses, “I’ve been busy”, “I’ve been traveling”, “I’ve been sick”, but all of those are hideously boring and don’t really give you any insight into what’s actually going on in my life, or provide my future self with any real anchor to remember this experience when I’m old and Alzheimery.  Lets dig a little deeper.  What have I been doing for the past month?  I’ve been putting in my 10,000 hours. 

If all goes according to plan, my Peace Corps experience will be just over 800 days long.  My work here includes cultural exchange along with actual development work, and then a hefty amount of sharing back home through things like this.  That means that every day I am working pretty much from the moment I open my door to the time I go to bed.  Give or take 4-6 hours depending.  For arguments sake let’s say I “practice” my Peace Corps skills then for 12 hours a day, which is a very conservative estimate.  800 x 12 = 9,600 hours.  Every volunteer says that at the end of your two years you’re just about ready to start making a real impact, and based on these numbers I believe that’s true.  Malcom Gladwell says that it takes the average person 10,000 hours to master something meaning that I’m not going to be really all that good at what I’m doing until I leave.  Now that’s a depressing thought.  It’s kind of liberating too though as it means I’m normal.  Throughout this whole experience I’ve been plagued by feelings of self-doubt and just thinking that I’m not good enough at what I’m trying to do.  In many ways I’ve never been worse at any other job: not since I was a baby have I not been able to communicate, or navigate culture.  It’s certainly a rude awakening into the real world of our personal strengths and, more often, weaknesses.  New college grads think they know everything; they’ve honed their abilities and are ready to take on the world.  I’m pretty sure that everyone finds out sooner or late that that confidence is an illusion; I just think Peace Corps forces that humility a little faster than usual. 

Now if we take away the standard western impatience to get things done quickly, then the 10,000 hour rule really is a blessing.  It gives the world permission to fail and failure is a beautiful thing: it’s the only way we can ever truly move forward.  I have failed so many times here it’s absurd.  My failures range from mixing up the words for goat and donkey so that I accidentally told my family that American’s like donkey cheese, to watching a 1,000 tree pepiniere die because the women’s group forgot to water it, to crying on the roof of the Kaolack house after spending two days trying to get a water pump to work and finally giving up.  Failure sucks but its necessary, as is time.  I decided to give myself a little challenge to not go to the regional house for the entire month of June and to spend as much time as possible in village just working.  Partly I did this because I’m swamped with projects; partly I did it out of pride.  This month was hard!  I don’t know the last time you worked 7 days a week for a month, but it sucks.  Something amazing happened though about two weeks in.   Firstly I felt my language skills soar, I fell into a rhythm with my projects and fixed a lot of their problems, and most importantly I stopped worrying so much about whether or not I was doing any of it “right”.  I started to see that this is a long learning process and I’m just not going to get it all right away.  I also started to see that without a lot of stress, these skills will just come on their own over time.  Take language for example.  Just being around Serere for so long now I’m understanding new things every day.  Patience is indeed a virtue and a relief that gives us leave to take our time. 

So how about the nitty gritty: what HAVE I been doing this month?  Here’s a little recap.  The month started with selecting the farmers to whom I would extend improved varieties of field crops. On the 8^th and the 9^th, our sub region had two days of “louma circuses” where we played loud American music at weekly markets and taught people about Malaria and how to make inexpensive mosquito repellent from local plants, soap and oil.  On the 11^th I went down to Karang and Massarinko to work on two rope pumps, both of which had terrible problems initially.  The 14^th-16^th I had a French language seminar in Toubacouta to try to actually learn a language I can use outside my village.  The 20^th I had to make a day tip to Kaolack to pick up grant money for the pump project, then on the 21^st I went down to Karang to finish up the pump there and work with our Master Farmer.  The next two days were more seed extension work in village, and then on the 24^th we had our subregional meeting and I started working on Rope Pump how-to videos with our third year video man.  On the 26^th I seeded millet with my family and then went to the girls Leadership camp in Sokone where Byron and I lead image theatre exercises with the girls to help them think about the identity of women in Senegal and roles within the family.  On the 29^th I biked to Emily Tran’s site to talk to her village about a pump, then spent the day working with her on her projects.  On the 30^th I biked back to Toubacouta where I worked on the pump blog for the morning and then distributed more seed in my village in the afternoon.  On the 1^st Byron and I went back to the camp to do one more round of Image theatre and saw that the girls really improved over the course of the week.  By the end of the exercise we actually had one girl who made an image of  a man and women doing 6 different jobs ranging from the military to being a lawyer with no hint of domesticity.  On the 2^nd I finished up distributing seed in my village and today I headed into Kaolack for a little break.  Yes I have been busy.  

I am going to fail many more times in my service, but at least practicing my scales is starting to pay off.

Cheers,

Garrison 

P.S. Yo America guess what?  Its yo birthday tomorrow!!!! Let’s party it up bro!

Separation and Connection

What can I say on the subject of separation?  Well I’ve become quite accustomed to that concept as of late.  At first it was a sharp pain of losing so much so quickly.  That eased into a dull ache only really noticeable in moments of isolation.  Now everything just feels far away.  I have never felt so far away from America, my culture, my family and friends, and who I thought I was.  Every day makes it harder and harder to communicate this experience to anyone back home and at the same time makes me less sure of everything I thought I knew about the world around me and indeed myself as well.  I used to think I knew what 3^rd world countries needed, I used to think I knew what was right and wrong (now I yell at poor African children who are rude to me), I used to think capitalism with its big corporations was evil, I used to think I knew who I was with my strengths and weaknesses, I used to think I knew my family and my relationship with them.  Everything is up in the air now.  I skype with people back home and answer the same questions about how “Africa” is like I’m some sort of authority on the continent now.  I browse Facebook and see my friends continuing on in their lives as I get farther and farther away from them.  I read my hometown newspaper and magazine and realize that my small town is changing more than ever and I’m somehow completely disconnected from it.  I work on project after project that may have no lasting effect whatsoever on my community, who often times seems to see me only as a strange foreigner who might be able to get them some free stuff.  And then I sit in a little grass hut in my village close the door and am completely alone with me myself and I.

Gross!  Okay catharsis achieved, pity party over, melancholic state averted.  In the words of Shakespeare, oh yeah I am that pretentious ;-), “Sweet are the uses of adversity” and that certainly holds true here.   Such utter separation and isolation has the unique benefit of tying together those who suffer the same pains.  Peace Corps relationships burn fast and bright.  We come together forget our troubles put on music and just enjoy life.  I think I’m better now than I used to be at recognizing those moments when I’m happy and just going with it.  The big problems can never be solved in the present moment so if you find yourself being happy why ruin it by worrying about something.  Time for me to go.  Someone’s shaving their head and that is much more amusing than worrying about all this big crap.

Cheers,

Garrison

Development Work... Dun Dun DUUUUUHN

There seems to come a point in every Peace Corps volunteer’s service (at least in Senegal that is) where they question whether or not we should be doing this at all.  That’s rather vague isn’t it?  Let me clarify.  The “we” is westerners and the ‘this’ is development work in Africa.  At first glance the answers seem so clear and usually include any number of complex arguments such as “Duh”, “Of course”, or “What are you racist or something”.   Yes development work seems so simple and righteous; I’m here to tell you that it isn’t.  Yes today is my day and I am quite disheartened. 

I’ve been writing this post in my head for most of the day and I must say you are lucky to be reading this version.  The previous ones, pondered in the heat of my frustration, weren’t exactly family friendly.  In any case I’ve cooled down some so perhaps I can say a few intelligent things on the subject.  Back story time! I’ve been working with a welder in Toubacouta to make very simple rope pumps for wells in my area.  The design is wonderfully cheap, easily repairable, and efficient. I have so far installed one pump in my village and it works wonderfully.  Long story short the pumps have promise.  There is a women’s group with whom I work very closely and they were slated to get the next two pumps.  They have two wells and 6 basins and the plan was to put one pump on each well to help fill the basins.  These would only cover half of each well leaving the rest open for people to pull water with a bucket for watering close to the well or to fill the basins if the pump breaks down.   The most important part of this plan though was that the women’s group would contribute roughly 30% to the total cost of the pump.  This way they would take ownership of it and have more of an incentive to maintain it.  So why all the was and were and would you may ask?  Well unbeknownst to me some American study abroad students from Dakar took it upon themselves to “Help” the poor people of my area by raising money from the States to buy 4 pumps for the group along with about 50 watering cans and 4 extra basins with absolutely zero village contribution. 

Where do I begin?   First I take a breath because just reading that again makes my blood boil.  So yes what’s the big deal?  They’re helping people right?  Africa is poor its great to come in and give it lots of stuff and money right?  White people are angels and gods and lets all worship them because we could never do anything on our own?  Ok that one went a little far, but you catch my drift.  Here’s what upsets me about this situation and it isn’t that they stole my project, although they did.  These kids come in and want to do something good and useful: that’s fine good for them, but they have absolutely no idea what they are doing and in the process are not only doing something that is utterly unnecessary and redundant, but they’re doing it in a way that is actually harmful to the overall development of the village.  Yes that’s right, bad development work isn’t just annoying it’s harmful.  Think about that next time your friend tries to convince you to write a check to some “wonderful” NGO. 

Let me explain myself.  These students are putting in two pumps per well making the pumps the only way that anyone can pull water.  There will no longer be any room to pull water the traditional way with a rope and bucket.  This means that should the pumps break down there is absolutely no way to water the fields.  This could mean total crop failure and massive loss of income.  Had the students taken the time to get to know the women’s group they would have learned that they are sponsored by PISA, an Italian development organization, and that PISA is planning on putting in two more wells and several other basins.  With these students putting in basins as well this could at the very least muck up the organization of the site and at worst take away PISA’s justification to add more wells.   The current two wells are old; I give them 5 years tops before they need massive repairs.  Two extra wells would be far more valuable than just pimping out the current ones and adding extra basins.    

I find myself now in a really odd position and I don’t like it.  The right thing to do is to put on the breaks and at most install one pump per well and hold off completely on extra basins.  This way PISA could come in and install their wells and basins and then we could install the remaining two pumps.  This is the right thing to do but no one is going to want to do it, and if I push the issue I’m going to burn bridges.  If I do nothing though and the pumps cause problems for the group then this threatens to poison the well, so to speak, for my very large project of 52 rope pumps that I am about to launch with another volunteer.  Regardless of how these 4 pumps turn out it’s going to be very difficult for me to convince other groups to contribute to the cost of the pumps when these first ones were given as gifts. 

Worry not there’s icing on this cake.  These students want to start their own NGO in the states that installs rope pumps in Senegal.  They have known about this technology for all of one day and they think they’re ready to take people’s money in the name of developing the poor villages of Senegal and facilitate installation through their friend while they sit comfortably in America.  Hold on I need to go vomit.  Ok I’m back.  I probably sound pretty harsh right now but I just can’t stand this kind of development.  Everyone wants to be a hero.  Raising money for someone else’s organization lacks glory I suppose so people decide to go it alone when they are absolutely unqualified to do so.  Where’s the plan for follow up to make sure the pumps are functioning and being used correctly, where’s the supplemental training to help increase agricultural production and teach IPM and pesticide safety (yes water pumps enable greater production which thereby encourages pesticide use and the people here have no idea how to apply them safely), where’s the selection system to make sure that pumps are getting to those who really need them and not just those who have friends in the right places, where’s the impact evaluation to ensure that the results of the pumps are recorded and available to the greater development community, and where’s the respect for the dignity of the Senegalese people who deserve more than gifts from guilt ridden upper middle class Americans who would rather write a check and feel like a hero then humbly work with someone to enable them to succeed on their own. 

On the whole Americans have absolutely no idea how to do development work.  We want quick fixes so we throw massive amounts of money and resources at problems, which only serves to create an atmosphere of dependence and subservience from third world countries.  They deserve better.  All the while we idolize those who give, knowing very little of whether or not their gifts are making any sort of a difference.  Take Greg Mortenson for example.  Building schools in Pakistan and Afghanistan sounds wonderful and it has earned him millions of dollars and three Nobel Peace Prize nominations.  Low and behold he’s one of the worst development workers in the world.  He drops off schools with almost no knowledge of the local village dynamics and zero collaboration with local governments and is somehow surprised when the schools aren’t being used.  The drop and go method of development looks great on paper.  It enables NGO’s to up their numbers as quickly as possible, netting them massive donations, but lacks any long term impact.  This isn’t just inefficient it’s immoral.  Taking someone else’s hard earned money and wasting it while claiming moral superiority and near saintly status is incredibly wrong.   

Quite a rant huh?  My biggest fear though is that I’m not any different.  Am I in this to truly help people or am I in it just to feel like a good person.  Why me? There are Senegalese NGO’s that could probably do my job cheaper and more effectively and with more dignity for the villages they serve.  So why me? Everyone wants their piece of the glory and I would be lying to say that I’m any different.  I want to feel like I’m making a difference.  I have to have faith though that my stay here is a net positive for the village.  I try to be a catalyst for them to take action rather than just give them things.  Maybe I’ll succeed and maybe I won’t.  I honestly can’t say.  What’s important I think though is to keep questioning.  Development work is not as simple as it appears and as much as we would like to be heroes, doing so at the expense of true progress is selfish.  There is too much work to do to waste time and money on heroics.  Save it for the movies.  Back to village for me… 

Hut Tour

Tax Season

Well seeing as how this is tax season and that can be a bit stressful, I thought that I would take a few minutes to ease the pain and make parting ways with that hard earned cash a little easier.  The US Government is indeed massive and truth be told there are all manner of things nasty and vile that it does with our tax money.  This is not news though however much the national networks may like to spin it to the left or right.  The propaganda can be enough to make you break out your NRA card and call up the old militia buddies for a nice tea party, or depending on your inclination brush up on your communist manifesto before a peace and freedom party rally against the evils of cutting down a single tree on public property.  I don't care if you're a Democrat, Republican, Communist, or Fascist, the government will use your money for things that you don't like and that can indeed be a hard pill to swallow.  

But just wait!  I'm here to remind you that despite all the bickering and propaganda, your tax dollars also go to some pretty great things.  Many Americans have never even heard of USAID but I see them all the time here and I am so incredibly proud every time I see their logo "USAID From the American People".  They're in Senegal, they're in my local community, and they're funded by you. 

 

I bet you didn't know that you built a fully equipped school with wifi and computers in a rural village outside Kaolack.

 

Or that now its being used to hold health training to stop the spread of HIV/AIDS in Senegal.  And while that's all well and good your money is also going to support something even more amazing and innovative and quite good looking I might add....

Me!  Peace Corps is a government agency and we only exist because of you all and your lovely lovely money.  Seeing as how you're paying me let me justify my existence just a bit. 

I am standing behind one of David Campbell's rope pumps and I'm about to install it in my village. 

First things first I have to cast a half well cap in cement for the pump to sit on. 

Almost done...

And there she is.  The cement needs about a week before we can finish the install and then my village will have a lovely rope pump.  Hmmm... one rope pump is nice... I guess.... but it doesn't really solve anything and certainly won't last forever. 

Let me introduce Lamine Gin.  He is a welder in Toubacouta who will be helping me to make a lot more rope pumps.  26 to be exact.  My friend Marcie down in Kolda is also doing 26 pumps so together we will be doing a total of 52 pumps.  We've partnered with Appropriate Projects, and NGO back in the states, to purchase all the pumps and install one every week for the next year.  We officially kick off the project on May 1st Inshaallah.  We'll be keeping a blog as we go, with entries every week about the villages and people benefiting from the pumps and how you can help!  I'll post more on that as the date approaches. 

We went to my neighboring village to check out some pumps that an NGO had brought in.  They're good but they're really expensive and not made locally.  Thus they are useful for a while but not sustainable. 

This is Lamine with the beginnings of his pump.  It will be much simpler and cheaper and a whole lot more sustainable since he will be around as a pump producer and technician long after I'm gone.  This project "52 Pumps in 52 Weeks" will probably be one of the biggest of my service.  I'm sure that it will cause me a lot of headaches but hopefully with enough Advil I'll make it through the year and then I'll have finally done something worthy of the insane things people say in regards to my good character and whatnot.  Joining the Peace Corps is like getting a huge credit line increase on your strength of character.  You can keep raking up the charges even if you ain't got the goods.  Well time to dig my heals in and pay my debts.  I suggest y'all do the same and get those taxes done so, you know, I don't starve over here or something.  And also so that the US Government never has to consider cutting foreign aide for development even in this tough economy. 

Cheers,
Garrison

Paradigm Shift

Peace Corps Volunteers are strange.  Let me elaborate.  As you have no doubt heard we go to the ends of the earth to parasite and disease infested lands where we learn tribal languages and talk about bodily functions far too openly regardless of the circumstances, and constantly fantasize about all things food and drink related.  But this isn’t why we’re strange.  I could just as easily have been describing the peculiarities of fraternity life.  No Peace Corps Volunteers are strange for an even more bizarre reason but I’ll get to that in a minute.  First a story.

Once upon a time this bright young lad named Garrison went to study with the Nobel Peace Prize nominated Theatre visionary Augusto Boal.  Garrison was intrigued by Boal’s techniques for using theatre for third world development work so he thought that, as a natural step after college, he might join the Peace Corps to give it a try.  Now after several grant projects investigating Boal’s techniques and a show at the SF Fringe Festival in his style, Garrison felt fairly qualified to do this… Welcome to the Peace Corps Garrison. “Wow this is really going to happen,” he thought.  You will be studying a minority language called Serere spoken only in rural villages in the delta region.  “Okay this shouldn’t hinder me doing theatre locally right?” He hoped.  We’re having a girls’ camp in the region and we would love to have some help doing skits “Fantastic let me talk to everyone putting this on and show them that theatre can be so much more than skits” He pleaded.  Well there are too many people helping at the camp so how about you just work with the girls for an hour on the first day and then for an hour right before they present their skits on the last day.  Oh yeah and you can’t lead the sessions in Serere.  Does that sound good?  Meanwhile the girls will be working every day for an hour and a half on their skits.  “Well I guess I can do some games or something” he sighed.  Perfect people love theatre games; they’re so fun and won’t get in the way and take time away from the important work.

… cringe…

I don’t really know what I expected.  It’s hard enough getting theatre people to understand the benefits of Boal’s work let alone PCV’s with every background under the sun.  I was still more than a little disappointed though when the planning meeting for the girl’s camp made it quite clear that my skills were neither wanted nor necessary.  As strange as it sounds to me I don’t know that I will be doing any theatre whatsoever during my service in the Peace Corps. 

So get to the point, why are PCV’s so strange?  Hold up, more about me first.  My service is shifting.  I see now that the things that got me into the Peace Corps aren’t necessarily going to be the things that keep me here.  My service is simply not lending itself to exploring Theatre for development work.  I am overwhelmed by projects, all of which are too legitimately needed for me to justify taking away my attention to pursue something else out of personal curiosity.  There is certainly a part of me that’s just avoiding the work because it’s hard.  Excuses are wonderful express routes to the easy track.  Even so I stand by the work that I am doing and I simply can’t justify going out of my way to pursue something else… even if it’s pure gold for grad school applications… 

This is how we are weird.  Not only are we in the most absurd situations, but every decision we make comes down to trying to get the most, not for ourselves but for someone else.  Everything is about how much impact I can have on my village, how much I can increase their food security, how much I can help reduce the labor for the women’s group how much I can increase their overall level of sanitation etc… It’s quite a paradigm shift.  Now let me stop you before you start thinking that we’re little altruistic angels, cause we’re not.  This shift is a normal product of our situation.  The Peace Corps yardstick by which we measure our self worth and success just happens to be based on how much we help other people.  Different situation different yardstick.  So don’t go comparing apples and oranges saying we’re so delicious and you’re so bitter, although we are rather delicious, but that a topic for another time.    Still though it is a strange shift to have one’s sense of self worth so completely wrapped up in other people’s wellbeing and success.  Maybe this is what it feels like to be a parent… or a grown up…  or a human… or a walrus… I don’t know. 

The point is things are shifting for me and it’s making me think about all those pesky big life questions.  Should I pursue international development work after PC?  Can I justify just becoming a professional actor? Where am I really going to be able to have an impact?  Luckily I’m also reading the Douglas Adams’ Hitchhiker’s series right now so I know not to take any of these questions too seriously.  The Earth will probably end up blowing up regardless of what I think. 

Living up to the title of this blog, this post took on some serious thoughts of one PCV in such a way that hopefully you walk away with only a slight feeling of discomfort, which will ultimately turn out to be completely unrelated and will go away shortly after a few more hours of digestion. 

…see what I mean?  Way too much Douglas Adams right now :-)

Cheers,

Garrison 

P.S. In the spirit of non-bitterness here is the link to the girls’ leadership camp fundraising page.  It is still going to be a really valuable experience for all involved, so do chip in if you have a few bucks to spare. 

https://www.peacecorps.gov/index.cfm?shell=donate.contribute.projDetail&projdesc=685-163